I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
