a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
