My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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