so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
