It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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