I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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