if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
