i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
