he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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