Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
