bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
