Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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