we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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