don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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