those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
