so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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