How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
