I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
