I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
