dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
