Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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