you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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