just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
