new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
