my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
