I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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