I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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