so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
