i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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