$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
