it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
