Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
