my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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