The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
