Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
