First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
