Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Me too!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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