girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
