another moral hangover. fuck.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
