dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
