her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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