My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
