you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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