the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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