you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
