she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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