i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
