i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
