I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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