is your mom at the bar?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
