We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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