and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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