Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i think my cat just said my name.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
