the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
